laundrying
so i have piles and piles of laundry to do and it is 11:30 in the night. and i am actually going to start the laundry and hope it finishes by 2 am. i am a late night laundry person. bad habbit i know, but it is when the machines are empty and i don't have to fight for a dryer!
the continual story of my life
not much being accomplished these days. it is like a paralysis of the mind. what to do?! and nothing special is distracting me. i haven't even found any interesting websites or blogs to suck up my time. it is just a continuation of this disgusting stagnation. disgusting!!!
and in other news...
so i would like to add that my pity party has extended through the week. more writing rejections. more happy news about old friends/acquintances. more more more!!!! ARGH/ACK!
and my apartment is crazy messy. someone help me.
loser in life
ok nothing is going well.
suddenly everyone is married. mp and kv. bd and jl. that dude i was talking to for awhile via the matrimonial site. hey make that TWO of the dudes i was talking to via the matrimonial site.
and in other news. everyone is very successful in their careers. everyone is a resident! or a lawyer! or working and doing something spectacular!
these are the sorts of things that make me just wonder, why am i even trying? i am not moving anywhere, nothing is working for me. why why why?????????
and in other news. i lost a competition. i was sure i would win but i guess i'm not as special as i thought i was! why does the universe keep EMPHASIZING this message to me? be humble, i get it. mr. universe, can't you pick on someone your own size?
that is all for today. bread and butter is all i am capable of cooking in my kitchen. sucks asthma.
looking for a door to walk through
for the past week i have been seriously thinking about the value of my religion in my life. for the most part, it has brought me into contact with demeaning and judgmental people. and i no longer have heros to look up to in the faith. and there is too much sexism to deal with. it is everywhere; pervasive. i can't look over all this anymore.
and then my experience in pb this summer, where everywhere all i saw was hypocrisy, was just disgusting. maybe that is what killed my spirit.
i have been thinking about exploring other faiths. i grew up in a staunch household, a number of amritdharis in my immediate family. but even they can't sustain me. it seems like it is their path, but not for me. maybe it is the fact i am a woman. or maybe i just am a nonbeliever at heart.
my morning paath has been feeling like recitation and no spirituality for the past year. the only sikh-like thing that i have been disciplined in (and which i don't mind doing) is waking up at amritvela. but other than that, i feel like shutting the door on this portion of my life and opening up something new.
i need some divinity and fast.
sticking with it?
i think i will develop this blog as my main "spot". it's anonymous and i think i like the tag. let's see if i stick with it.
